Journals6
Newest
whoops
2 min read
its almost been like
a year since I updated here.
whoops.
i had a really shitty year and Ive almost given up on dA, in all honesty, because it's full of rubbishy poets and amateurs and the community is elitist and unpleasant to be in. tbh the creators of this site need to do something to stop meme reposts and art theft and actually refine the community into what it used to be - art - junk like that.
ramble aside I guess people on here might still give a fuck? ive no idea, Im hoping a few of the old faces I used to talk to still linger and are around so I can reconnect. might start reposting things - ive been drawing again, not much and not well, but yeah.
uh so update on the past year.
I got into uni and then dropped out after an attempt but hey I passed my a-levels even if it nearly killed me. Sunk into really bad depression, as to be expected when youve had the life I have. uH, diagnosed with several long-term serious conditions. I got a boyfriend and we've been together 6 months now. Only the second boy I've properly dated for more than 3 days. my gerbil died but I got some guinea pigs. Several family members died and I've been to far too many funerals.
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Devious Journal Entry
1 min read
Happier journal!
I'm easing myself back into the routine of writing and, hopefully, am going to start writing a few short stories again. In the meantime, bear with me.
I'm easing myself back into the routine of writing and, hopefully, am going to start writing a few short stories again. In the meantime, bear with me.
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Devious Journal Entry
4 min read
Well, I haven't been around for a while, have I?
Primarily because I had one hell of a year, and not for any particularly good reason - a lot of things took the wind out of me and I found myself unable to write, draw, or really create in general. I kept speaking of things I was going to write and do and it just never happened. I didn't really feel it.
So, I suppose an explanation is in order. Not so much because I owe one, but because I know I have been neglecting my dA account as of late.
The past few years have been especially hard for me, as someone who suffers from a variety of depressive disorders/issues, many of you know I'm recovering from self harm, a suicide attempt, and various other breakdowns -right now I can go about a week without trying to harm myself, and I'm lucky if I can function as a human being for three days without wanting to break-down.
This was exacerbated by not only the deaths of both my Granddad, very recently, but the deaths of family friends, and a few friends of mine. I also went through an excessively hard and painful break-up, from which I am still recovering. My Granddad was an amazing man, a truly amazing man - I did not appreciate this fully till he was gone. I myself have nearly died about 3 times in the past year, mostly from complications in my diabetes.
His name was Jack and he was probably one of the better things to happen to me, but he was also abusive and I put up with so much crap from him, thinking I deserved it. Which, evidently, is not the case. But that was how I felt.
He was Irish, and I miss his voice the most. The way he said my name was especially nice. I miss the crinkles in his eyes, and the dimple in his smile. I don't miss his alcoholism and abuse. But, I do miss him. Which is twisted and ironic, but also very hard for me.
Other than that, I've been failing at college, my health is dwindling, and I'm fairly sure my kidneys are fucked now.
But it isn't all doom and gloom. Over the past few years I've come out to my family as bisexual, and genderqueer (which is a thing like being transgender but basically I like being androgynous and fucking with gender. People stare. It's fun). My family are all brilliant and supportive, which is all I can ask of them. Furthermore, I've met some incredibly nice people through my cosplay community, and my blog, and these people are important to me. Although I've lost a lot of people, I've gained a lot, and I'm trying to focus upon the positives more than anything.
And, though I have been saying this for months, years, now, I am actually working on ideas.
I've a few ideas for webcomics I'd like to illustrate - which means I need to get back into drawing. I'm also writing again, and I have a few short story ideas. And, whats more, I'm working (well, I will be working) upon an indie horror game, which may or may not get done - so keep an eye out. I'm slowly recovering, slowly getting back into the momentum of things.
I've also become something of a recluse, but I'm slowly coming out of my shell. Over the years of social anxiety I have discovered many beautiful books, many beautiful games, and a lot of beautiful people.
I'm hoping things will look up from here.
Primarily because I had one hell of a year, and not for any particularly good reason - a lot of things took the wind out of me and I found myself unable to write, draw, or really create in general. I kept speaking of things I was going to write and do and it just never happened. I didn't really feel it.
So, I suppose an explanation is in order. Not so much because I owe one, but because I know I have been neglecting my dA account as of late.
The past few years have been especially hard for me, as someone who suffers from a variety of depressive disorders/issues, many of you know I'm recovering from self harm, a suicide attempt, and various other breakdowns -right now I can go about a week without trying to harm myself, and I'm lucky if I can function as a human being for three days without wanting to break-down.
This was exacerbated by not only the deaths of both my Granddad, very recently, but the deaths of family friends, and a few friends of mine. I also went through an excessively hard and painful break-up, from which I am still recovering. My Granddad was an amazing man, a truly amazing man - I did not appreciate this fully till he was gone. I myself have nearly died about 3 times in the past year, mostly from complications in my diabetes.
His name was Jack and he was probably one of the better things to happen to me, but he was also abusive and I put up with so much crap from him, thinking I deserved it. Which, evidently, is not the case. But that was how I felt.
He was Irish, and I miss his voice the most. The way he said my name was especially nice. I miss the crinkles in his eyes, and the dimple in his smile. I don't miss his alcoholism and abuse. But, I do miss him. Which is twisted and ironic, but also very hard for me.
Other than that, I've been failing at college, my health is dwindling, and I'm fairly sure my kidneys are fucked now.
But it isn't all doom and gloom. Over the past few years I've come out to my family as bisexual, and genderqueer (which is a thing like being transgender but basically I like being androgynous and fucking with gender. People stare. It's fun). My family are all brilliant and supportive, which is all I can ask of them. Furthermore, I've met some incredibly nice people through my cosplay community, and my blog, and these people are important to me. Although I've lost a lot of people, I've gained a lot, and I'm trying to focus upon the positives more than anything.
And, though I have been saying this for months, years, now, I am actually working on ideas.
I've a few ideas for webcomics I'd like to illustrate - which means I need to get back into drawing. I'm also writing again, and I have a few short story ideas. And, whats more, I'm working (well, I will be working) upon an indie horror game, which may or may not get done - so keep an eye out. I'm slowly recovering, slowly getting back into the momentum of things.
I've also become something of a recluse, but I'm slowly coming out of my shell. Over the years of social anxiety I have discovered many beautiful books, many beautiful games, and a lot of beautiful people.
I'm hoping things will look up from here.
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Devious Journal Entry
1 min read
Well I keep coming and going on this site.
I'm still around, honest. Just not actively.
I'm writing, occasionally.
I'm still around, honest. Just not actively.
I'm writing, occasionally.
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I'm back, I guess.
1 min read
I'm hopefully going to be more active again.
Unfortunately you guys are going to have to put up with works of progress on my cosplay till I tire of cosplay. Of course there will be the usual poetry and suchlike, too, and I might actually be working on a bunch of stories that may or may not be uploaded.
The cosplay is mostly Homestuck stuff, for a bunch of cons I'll be going to next year.
Other than that I have been offered conditional offers for 4 out of the 5 universities I applied to, and things have been looking up recently.
My Mum is much cooler with me being a genderfuck now, though she told my Dad about a lot of things I would have preferred she didn't. There's not much I can do about that though.
In other news here is a gentle reminder that I am not a girl. I'm trans*. If you need an explanation of what that is, Google is your friend.
For my cosplay blog please go here: askthegrimcrocker.tumblr.com/
Unfortunately you guys are going to have to put up with works of progress on my cosplay till I tire of cosplay. Of course there will be the usual poetry and suchlike, too, and I might actually be working on a bunch of stories that may or may not be uploaded.
The cosplay is mostly Homestuck stuff, for a bunch of cons I'll be going to next year.
Other than that I have been offered conditional offers for 4 out of the 5 universities I applied to, and things have been looking up recently.
My Mum is much cooler with me being a genderfuck now, though she told my Dad about a lot of things I would have preferred she didn't. There's not much I can do about that though.
In other news here is a gentle reminder that I am not a girl. I'm trans*. If you need an explanation of what that is, Google is your friend.
For my cosplay blog please go here: askthegrimcrocker.tumblr.com/
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